bones feeling Dense As

Week 24 - The Camera Truck Wall

Hello from a Macbook sitting in the valley a a little past midnight on Friday.

To all the comments and messages, yes I'm still still here! You see life has changed greatly since we have last spoken. Pain and pleasure that I never thought I was capable of experiencing has gone through my life, but guess what? I experienced it all and somehow I am still here. I still have all limbs attached and my health, man so much to be grateful for while I am here.

To be honest with you, I have been gone because I have been distracted by money. Hmm that feels strange to say, let me rephrase. I have been distracted by the opportunities earning money has enabled in my life. Hard to believe when "Week 1" of Made by Spencer came out I was on unemployment with no signs of a job to come. Too embarrassed and egotistical to admit I had failed.

I've been gone because I have been working hard on investing in a foundation for myself. A way to enable a box of creativity that is in-penetrable by a need for a rent check.

For you today I have a video I made over a year ago while working on the remake of the Lethal Weapon franchise that Warner Bros turned into a TV show. At the time of making this I was feeling alone. I was feeling like my work environment was turning into a "Us vs them" mentality and I hated it. I made this to remind myself what it felt like to not trust your neighbor, to feel insecure in your work and worry about the longevity of your job due to the insecurity of others being projected onto you. The goal was to create a time capsule of what it felt like to feel insecure in your work and to remind myself to always encourage those around me to "have a friend in me".

Shorty after making this I left Lethal Weapon to pursue a job in on set color grading. But as Lethal Weapon comes to a close I want to post this to remember all those memories we experienced and put up on the camera truck wall. Printing photos turned into something much bigger than I could have ever anticipated (or my Canon printer could have ever handled!). And for that, I will forever be grateful.

Thank you

Spencer

20190203- iPad Pencil thoughts

20181028-Notifications

Still feels like I deserve $9.25 an hour. Still feels like I deserve to pack a lunch. Still deserves like I deserve a write up. Still feels like I don’t deserve what I have.

It look me 3 months to buy a mattress when I moved into my place. It took me a year to buy a bed frame. All because of the fear that I would go back to not having a home without wheels.

Prepare for everything, experience nothing.

I don’t know how long I will be here, but while I am here, I hope to spend a majority of it on “do not disturb”, flying down a canyon in the foothills, forgetting about the gravity that holds me back, and the society that makes me feel like it will never be enough.

The less I listen, the less I hear.